Anxiety is a bitch. Skin cancer anxiety is a whole other issue! This is no surprise to a great number of you. 1 in 5 people suffer from anxiety and it’s double for women over men.
When I discovered Lexapro, four years ago, my life was forever changed. A near-lifetime of overwhelming anxiety suddenly became manageable.
Finding The Raised Spot
When I first found the raised pearly spot on my nose, I had no idea the mental anguish it would cause. Mostly I felt okay, but there were moments.
I discovered the spot in early September 2021 and it was not removed until the end of March 2022…thanks to a healthcare plan (Tricare / retired military) that required constant approvals and referrals through every step of the way, and a long waiting period for dermatologist appointments.
Mohs Surgery
Since the surgery, I’ve found myself often depressed and with zero desire to go out in public. Research shows this to be a pretty common after effect.
Three days post surgery, I showered and (gently) washed my face for the first time and it was ridiculously scary. Things were still naturally swollen and it felt like I was wearing a mask.
My job as a fashion blogger the past year plus has been one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I LOVE my job, I love helping women, and I surprisingly love modeling for the camera…something I could never imagine doing before. I was always a photographer – rarely on the other side of the camera.
Though I’ve tried being strong through all of this, I hit a wall a few days ago. I started crying and couldn’t stop. Special thanks to Rachel and my husband for talking me through it — I couldn’t have gotten through this without them.
My brain focused on the negatives (Google didn’t help). What if I kept getting more and worse skin cancer? What if my face never went back to normal? My nose is currently oh-so-slightly tilted (hopefully temporary) and when I see that in the mirror, it feels like failure.
I’m embarrassed to say I momentarily thought death would be better. I know that’s incredibly ridiculous. So many people have so many worse situations. And yet that’s how I felt.
Guess what? It’s okay to have moments of feeling sorry for yourself. The key is not staying there.
As women we often tie a large part of our worth to how we look. Perhaps this can be my physical daily reminder that we are so much more. It’s definitely a reminder to be more mindful of changes in my skin.
My husband called it a badge of honor. I like that.
I am sure I’ll never look at a spot on my skin the same way. I will be terrified of the sun for a long time, and it will take a while before I feel “normal” again.
One Week Post-Surgery Update
I just returned from my one week post surgery check-up and my doctor is pleased with the progress. That gave me such relief.
Two Weeks Post-Surgery Update
I’m amazed at what a difference two weeks makes. I have started going back to the gym and feeling totally comfortable out in public again!
Don’t judge the photo – I took this right after my workout, ha!
18 Months Post Surgery Update
I’ve gotten a number of people reach out who are going through similar things and hoping for an update from me.
18 months post Mohs Surgery
I took this iPhone selfie the other day – no makeup, no photoshop, etc. and yes I’m posting a scary close-up in case it helps someone else.
I do have a consultation planned with a plastic surgeon in January, just to see if my scar can be tweaked to be more flat as it is more raised than I had hoped. If it’s as good as possible, I’m still fine with it.
I will say if I had to do it over again, I would have had a plastic surgeon do the skin graft (vs my ENT surgeon who did it). The results may have been the same, but who knows.
My biggest hope is that my story will help others going through the same thing.
Then maybe it will have all been worth it.
x Tammy
Related Articles:
Mohs Surgery: The Most Effective Technique for Treating Common Skin Cancers
Detect skin cancer: How to perform a skin self-exam
Best Sunscreens For Face and Everything Else
Swoon-Worthy SPF Swimwear for Women (You’ll Actually Want)
12 thoughts on “Skin Cancer Anxiety – My Experience With Basal Cell Carcinoma and Mohs Surgery (Updated!)”
Looks like it’s healing nicely. Thank goodness you caught it!
It is!! Thanks for your message!
You are a warrier. I would feel the same way. I have something permanent on my face. I had neck surgery and the complication was horners syndrome in my eye. A rare condition….
Oh gosh Susan, I’m so sorry to hear that! Medical stuff can be so hard and scary.
Thank you for sharing this. Reading this helps me not feel so alone. I just had Mohs surgery on the side bridge of my nose. I caught it early but sadly my nostril is now asymmetrical because the repair was less than idea(by a plastic surgeon). My MOH’s hole was small and this should have been an easier repair according to another plastic surgeon(who confirmed I was botched). I feel like I look like a monster and just sit and cry all day. Not only am I scarred but I have a obvious distortion as welll!
When I try to talk to friends about my distress they say “it could have been worse”. I know they are trying to make me feel better and there is no denying my nose is now misshapen. Yes it could have been “worse”, yes I’m happy the cancer was removed. The scars skin cancer has left me with are much deeper than what people can see. It’s not all about the appearance, though I will admit, that is a big part. I worry now that there is more skin cancer that has not been discovered. Every skin imperfection terrifies me. I can’t find emotional relief. However, your article momentarily made me feel not so alone ❤️
Hi Kim! Gosh I’m so sorry to hear this. And I know that feeling of feeling so scared and alone. Everything you are describing is what I went through. What was the recommendation of your second plastic surgeon? I’m curious if he thinks it can be repaired.
My face will never be perfect again. I always see the scar vividly (though others say it’s not bad). It HAS improved so much in the past year though (and I kept getting minor tweaks with steroidal injections to flatten it out more). Now the process is done and I honestly did expect the scar to be smaller / different…but I try to look at it like a battle scar.
It’s now a reminder to me to be cautious, wear sunscreen, stay out of the sun, and spread the word. Since this happened, many friends have gotten checked and also had BCC removed. So I see it as a positive.
Be gentle on yourself knowing that while it looks awful now, in a few months it will be so much better. And a year later it should barely be noticeable.
My nose looked crooked initially. It scared the crap out of me and thought I would never feel like myself. But as it healed, my nose straightened out again.
I say definitely see what can be done in time and hopefully that will ease your mind. And reach out if you need to vent!
Hi Tammy, I’m having my mohr procedure this month for a spot on my nose. Mine isn’t tucked away in the fold of my nose, it’s a bit off side/center. I’m 71 and people have always said I didn’t look anywhere my age. I always have compliments on my fine complexion and no wrinkles. I see pictures of surgeries with half their nose gouged out and stitches to their eyeballs and I confess I’m really hating this. Seeing your courage and how well you did, I can settle back a bit and have faith it will be alright. Being a woman and having much of our self esteem tied to our face is a hard road, but life goes on and somehow these things work for good. Your journey did for me.
I’m so sorry I missed this Terri! How are you doing? Have you had the surgery yet? It’s scary, I know, but I’m hoping you have had some good guidance and feeling better. Please send me a note with your update!
I hope your healing continues. I came upon your blog as I am about to have Mohs on my cheek right next to my nose next week – just a little anxiety. I have had the bump for a few years and was regularly seeing a dermatologist for other spots on arms & chest. Even though I asked, they never biopsied this one until I went to a new doctor. Since the biopsy the ‘bump’ is less reactive and less visible, but I see some skin discoloration that has me worried that it goes further in the sublayers. I go for Mohs next week and finally called because I hadn’t gotten any information and it felt like I am just supposed to show up and let them start carving into my face – no consultation, no brochures or phone calls. I asked if its likely to need plastic surgery to close because of location and was told I could do that and would have to reschedule to set that up. Well, how do I know if that is what I need to do? Feeling a bit on a spongy limb.
Hi Dee – so sorry for the delayed response. I missed a few messages in my inbox.
I’m guessing you’ve had your surgery by now and hopefully they were more helpful in getting you guidance with a plastic surgeon. Please let me know how it’s going so far.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I found out last week I have exactly this, to say I have had a roller coaster of emotions is an understatement. I am on a waiting list for Moh’s surgery but it’s about a 6 month wait. I would love to see how yours is now. I’m so worried about the look of it after the surgery and then feel bad for being shallow. My friends and family are telling me I’ll be fine and “worse things happen” I know all of this but it makes me feel like I’m a fraud for being concerned about it! Am I not allowed to just have a moment to digest that I’ve been told I have skin cancer and worse thing it’s on my face?! It’s reassuring to read your anrticle and others comments. So pleased I found it, as it’s really helped my head to know I’m not being over the top.
I hope you have had a good recovery. ❤️🩹
Hi Lynne! Thanks for reaching out. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. First, don’t worry about being shallow. This is happening to YOU and whether it could be worse or not is beside the point. You are allowed to feel what you feel.
I had my ENT surgeon do my skin graft and while I love him as a doctor, I’m not 100% thrilled with how it’s healed. If I were to do it over again, I would have gone directly to a good plastic surgeon to do the skin graft (after MOHS surgery) and just paid that price out of pocket (which I have no idea what it would be). I do have an appt set up to see a good plastic surgeon (who specializes in scars) just to see if he can tweak it and make it better.
Most people would say I look fine, and yes, I look “fine” but I would prefer it to be smoother and flatter, so I’m just going to see what he can do. I’ll update my article with current pictures!
As for what others have to say, I guarantee they’d be singing a different tune if the roles were reversed. I think people don’t know how to positively support stuff like this, so they try to be very “look on the bright side” when we really just want to be able to vent and cry and know that our people love and support us. You will get through this, but I would say start researching good plastic surgeons now and that will probably give you better peace of mind.
Reach out any time, Lynne!