As a woman, have you ever wondered “Why am I so hard on myself?” As a personal stylist, I am seeing this in nearly every one of my clients. Here’s how I deal with this myself.
In researching this post, I came across this article “Why Do I Feel the Need to Look Good”? (Repeller.com) and I can relate so much. In the beginning of the blog, I couldn’t fathom showing up on camera unless I had “put myself together”. Or if I did, I sure was apologizing up front.
And somewhere along the line, thankfully, I just got over it. Because WHO CARES.
I find it fun to get dressed up, style my hair, and do my makeup, but there are plenty of times I do nothing and I’m good with that…finally.
1. Self Care
Much of the time, women take care of everyone except themselves. But we need to prioritize our own self care. How can we possibly care for everyone else when we aren’t first caring for ourselves? Once I realized that my needs were just as important as everyone else’s, I allowed myself the things that made me happy.
For me, that includes regular girls’ night out. Time to be alone and read. Regular manicures/pedicures, hair appointments, and clothes that make me feel amazing in my skin.
It’s going to be different for everyone, of course. But I know my confidence grew ten-fold when I started taking care of myself better.
I always loved fashion from a young age, but when I was homeschooling my kids, my focus was on my kids and not on clothes.
When homeschooling ended and I needed to rediscover who I was, I realized that my love of fashion was stronger than ever. Allowing myself to really dig deep was so incredibly rewarding especially now that I can help other women with their own fashion journeys!
I’d never had dogs before these guys. They are self care for me!
2. Pursuing My Passions
My husband was a Marine for 20 years and we moved around a fair bit. When we moved to Hawaii, surrounded by such beauty and wanting to document every second of my kids’ lives, I taught myself photography and started a photography business!I had always had an appreciation for art and photography but for some reason I never realized it was something I could do. How wrong I was!
When I rediscovered my love for fashion, I started my blog. I love being able to combine my love for photography and fashion!
Another big piece has been my passion for supporting and helping other women. It’s the most rewarding and fulfilling aspect of it all!
Figure out what excites you and just go for it. It’s worth it!
Early portraits of my babies in Hawaii
3. Getting Comfortable In Front of the Camera
As women, we are so impossibly hard on ourselves when it comes to being in front of the camera. We think we are too fat or not photogenic or not perfect enough.
I used to hate myself in pictures. As a professional photographer, I was always on the other side of the camera.
Some of my very first blog pictures. I had no idea what I was doing in the beginning. But I just went for it.
But then I realized that when I left this earth eventually, there would basically be no proof of my existence. That my kids and grandkids wouldn’t have those special memories! Think about how much you love seeing pictures of your family!
So I taught myself to be comfortable in front of the camera. I practiced smiling, posing, and just doing it. And then I started accepting myself more. Part of it is just habit. Stop worrying that every image has to be perfect. It won’t be! Even the most stunning model has a million bad photos. Letting go is SO freeing!
Now I love the creativity in creating these images!
4. Controlling My Anxiety
Women have a high rate of anxiety, and I know so many of it goes untreated. There are many methods of dealing with anxiety these days, and I can tell you from experience what a huge difference it has made in my life.
I suffered with sometimes crippling anxiety from my teen years on, but it wasn’t until about four years ago that I finally decided to try medication. It was life changing for me.
For me, 10mg of Lexapro every day makes me feel normal. I no longer get the daily stomach aches that came from out of control anxiety. I’m more willing to try new things and put myself out there. I only wish I had tried it sooner.
Medication is just one option for controlling anxiety, but it’s worth figuring out what works best for you.
I’m always willing to share my story with anyone!
There will always be moments where I think why am I so hard on myself…it never fully goes away. But I can tell you these are the things that have helped me live a richer life. It’s worth making the effort, whatever those things are for you!
x Tammy
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