I had anxiety from age 12 to 45. I suffered needlessly for 33 years. This is the story of how Lexapro changed my life.
How Lexapro Changed My Life
My Early Years
I remember those early years of having to do oral presentations (from middle school through college) and I would almost have chosen death over doing it. Public speaking is such a common fear that you just assume it’s normal. Maybe it is, or maybe you have Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD).
At age 50, I look back and see all the opportunities I missed because of my anxiety. And honestly I love my life now, so it all worked out for the best, but anxiety is a son of a bitch!
How Lexapro Changed My Life
Refusing To Try
Over the years, I had many friends suggest trying medication. I always refused. Although it’s getting better, there’s still so much shame associated with anxiety.
There’s always been such a stigma against taking medication for anxiety. Why? We are okay taking medication for other illnesses – diabetes, thyroid, blood pressure, etc. But anxiety? OMG fix that crap yourself! What is the deal?!
How Lexapro Changed My Life
Why I Resisted
I really fell into the trap of “I can do this myself”. Tom Cruise certainly didn’t help the cause!
1. I believed I needed to learn to control the anxiety myself (meditation, diet, exercise). Those things CAN help, but they won’t be a cure for everyone! When those things didn’t work for me, I considered myself a failure!
2. I worried medication would change my personality. I was SO afraid of becoming a different person, even an addict.
3. I thought I would gain weight. Growing up in a household where I was encouraged to weigh myself weekly, this was a huge no-no. I’m happy to report I do not own a scale and refuse to weigh myself these days.
4. Antidepressants are a sign of weakness. I had the idea that if I couldn’t solve this issue myself, I was weak. Um, okay, this is bullshit. We don’t shame people who need insulin or any other medication. What the hell?!
How Lexapro Changed My Life
I Finally Gave In
My daughter was a freshman in high school when something changed my life forever. She had been dancing since age three, but upon becoming a Varsity in her freshman year, they were dancing on concrete floors and she was having regular and constant back pain.
We took her for an x-ray and I got a call that her x-rays showed she had Spina Bifida. This was a crushing blow and prompted a full-on panic attack. When I told my husband, he immediately said “DO NOT TELL HER”. He wanted to wait until the specialist saw and diagnosed her.
Unfortunately, we had months to wait until she had an MRI and appointment with the Orthopedic Surgeon. In the meantime I had to take her to the Physical Therapist, ensuring no one said anything to her about the so-called diagnosis.
On top of it, I couldn’t stop googling how a child would get Spina Bifida. Of course, Dr. Google made it clear I was to blame – that somehow I must not have gotten enough iron during (and before) pregnancy?! Did you know you are supposed to start taking prenatal vitamins BEFORE you get pregnant? I didn’t!
So now I had given my first born Spina Bifida. Great for the anxiety, let me tell you!
I told my husband – I’m DONE. I’m going to a Psychiatrist to get medication. I was not functioning well and I was at the end of my rope.
So I finally gave in and tried medication. It took four weeks before the medication took full effect. And all of a sudden, I felt…normal.
BTW, when she finally got the MRI and saw the surgeon, turns out the x-ray tech misread her files and she did NOT have Spina Bifida.
How Lexapro Changed My Life
Is This How Normal People Live?
Life took a sudden turn. For the first time in my life, I stopped feeling like everything was an emergency. I stopped feeling like I was constantly at the edge of a cliff, alone, waiting for the world to end.
Sound dramatic? It felt dramatic! I constantly believed I was in emergency mode. When my babies were little, I felt like I would fall down the stairs while carrying them, oh the horrors! Babies got a cold? What if they died from a 103F infection?!
I now understand normal people took those things in stride. Not me! Everything felt so perilous and impossible. This was a daily occurrence.
Things got so bad, that I had daily stomach issues — for YEARS — and for which a GI specialist could find NO cause.
Then my doctor gave me Lexapro 10mg and all of a sudden I felt like I could handle day-to-day issues. I could function without feeling like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. Is this how normal people lived?! I couldn’t quite believe it.
How Lexapro Changed My Life
I Think I’m Cured!
I got to the point that I was feeling so good that I thought “what was my problem?” I can go off this medication and I’ll be great. With my doctor’s approval, I weaned myself down to 5mg per day and within two weeks, the years-long stomach issues that plagued me were back. All of a sudden I remembered that dread that I had felt so many years of my life.
And that’s when I realized…I NEED this medication. It makes me function like a normal person. And I may need it for life..and that is okay with me.
How Lexapro Changed My Life
Five Years Later
I have now been on this medication for five years and I would never want to go back to my old anxious ways.
I can tell you I would not have started this blog without it! I am (more) confident speaking my truth. I am confident being in front of the camera. I am confident talking to people. I believe in myself.
Do I have ZERO anxiety? No! That wouldn’t be normal. People have anxiety…but I have what I consider a normal and manageable amount of anxiety. I don’t even want to have zero anxiety. A little anxiety reminds me I’m alive.
But I am able to LIVE my life in a way I couldn’t have 5, 10, or 30 years ago…and I can’t tell you how grateful I am.
Is medication for everyone? I’m sure it isn’t, but it definitely has made an incredible difference in my life.
I’m done with the shame associated with anxiety and medication. I’m here to spread the word that anxiety doesn’t have to mean weakness or shame or a life not worth living fully.
And if you need someone to talk to about – reach out, because I am pulling back the curtain. People have anxiety and it’s OK and we need to talk about it.
Update: Read Part 2 of my journey – Lexapro Stopped Working.
x Tammy
Related Articles:
Lexapro Stopped Working : Part 2
Why Do I Have Anxiety All The Time : Part 3
Skin Cancer Anxiety
Why Am I So Hard On Myself?
The Relationship of Clothes and Mood
Fears and Facts About Antidepressants
Lexapro – Uses, Side Effects, and More
32 thoughts on “How Lexapro Changed My Life : Part 1”
Thank you for sharing this Tammy! My story mirrors yours so closely. We should feab a coffee! 😊 Thank you again and again!
I’m so happy to hear this! Reach out any time! Would love to get together!
Thank you for sharing your story. My Dr suggested this and I declined but now I’m going to accept. I can’t continue to live with everything feeling like an emergency and not being able to sit still (or sleep through the night). God Bless.
I would love to know how things are going and if you took the medication and it helped!
I just started Lexapro yesterday after a lifetime of anxiety. Your blog gave me a lot of hope today, thank you from the bottom of my heart
Oh I am SO happy to hear this! I would love to hear an update!!
I was prescribed this medication today. I’m 48 years old and a man. Your story of not wanting medicine, the shame, the doubt that I need it…. the overthinking, excessive worry, dread…. all of it… described you I am almost to the “T” I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder. I’ve had this anxiety my entire life and am now just so tired of feeling the way I do… that I finally called my doctor for help.
The stigma that men aren’t suppose to feel this way was a huge barrier to me wanting help. We are suppose to be strong and fearless.
This post has given me the push and the hope that I was looking for. Thank you for inspiring me and reminding me that I’m not the only one in this world that suffers with anxiety like this. If you’re a man reading my comment and are feeling anxious… seek help. There’s no shame in it. Don’t wait 48 years like I did.
Thank you again for this blog… it’s exactly what I needed to read!
I’m so happy you tried medication again! One thing I’ve discovered is that all medications are not created equal. It’s been a few weeks since you posted. I’m wondering if you are in a better place now? Please send an update!
I enjoyed every word of this article and I’m so glad you recovered.
I’m more or less the same who has suffered from anxiety from the age of 13 and now I’m 39. I took medication when I was 25 and I couldn’t stand the side-effects and gave up.
Last year my therapist insisted that I take medication and finally I tried again starting with Zoloft which worked like a magic for 3-4 months and stopped working after that. Since then I’ve tried a number of other medications that my psychiatrist has prescribed and nothing has worked.
Last week he prescribed me Lexapro 10mg and it’s been 5 days since I started it. I started on 5mg for 5 days and today I upped it to 10mg and I’m feeling super anxious. Hope I’ll get better. Wish me well 🙂
Do you mind telling how you were feeling when you were anxious and how things changed after Lexapro? More in terms of physical symptoms. Also, do you take it in the morning or at night?
I would like to know about any side effects you had, and how long before they subsided.
Hi there! I did have some side effects in the beginning. Number one was being extremely tired during the day. Number two was some reduced desire in sex (which could also be perimenopause). However those side effects all but went away when my doctor added Wellbutrin 100mg (12 hour times release), which I take in the morning and then lexapro at night. ReLly made a difference in minimizing any side effects!
Thank you thank you I wish we can be friends !
I’m so glad my words were helpful! I guarantee there are many people near you feeling the exact same thing! I tell everyone around me about my anxiety and I’ve been shocked by how many people could relate!
Thank you for sharing! Lexapro changed my life as well. I’m on 15 mg and have been on the medication for about 12 years. I have only positive things to say about it!
So glad to hear this! I try to share my story as much as possible to normalize anxiety as much as I can…and in support of its treatment!
First time I am ever leaving a comment, but, similar with the author. This medication has CHANGED my life.
I just thought life was meant to be a battle (and sure life isn’t easy) but I always found it particularly hard and ultimately it seemed unachievable, although my discipline was always top notch.
Once I started lexapro within a few months, life just became sweeter, things seemed easier. I seemed more calm and pleasant and others noticed it. I am still me and I still do all the same things, but, there is less urgency and unnecessary worry. Most importantly the LITTLE things I always wondered how other people enjoy now I enjoy.
I can say I will NEVER go off, maybe reduce my dose, but back to the old ways? no thanks.
For anyone hesitant, give it a try, if it isn’t your thing you can always stop 🙂
Thank you for sharing! It really can be life-changing and the only regret I have is not trying it sooner!
I’m afraid to take it. I know I need it and it will make me a better parent, but I’m scared of being on medication for life. It’s sitting atop my fridge waiting for me to take the leap.
I get it. I was very fearful for MANY years. But if I could change one thing, I wish i had started medication when my children were small.
I believe anxiety comes from a combination of genetics and environment. My anxiety definitely transferred to my children. Thankfully I am able to support them through their options. But I think their anxiety would have been less had I not been such an anxious parent.
Also, trying the medication doesn’t have to be permanent. If it’s not for you, it’s easy to wean off it. But I don’t see any negative to trying. Only you can make that decision! Just know you aren’t alone!
Thanks for sharing. I am 44 and i have bien in the same boat as you are. It has been a genetic inheritance from both parents. I am 5 days on the medication and i am already noticing improvements although sometimes i feell anxiety for nothing but i am.noticing improvements in the chemistry of my head. Honestly, thanks for Being so brave. Greetings from a spanish man
Hi Juan! Gosh I’m so glad to hear this! How are you doing now that you’ve been on the medication for two months? I’m so curious! Thanks for reaching out!
Thank you for this it has made me feel better and I’m so eager to get back to my normal self. I have been in denial this entire time and my therapist said that this is DNA genetic and you can’t run from this. I’ve realized I needed help.
It’s helpful knowing this isn’t uncommon and that medication can change one’s life. I wish I had this viewpoint many years prior. It would have let me know that taking this medication was more than okay – it was crucial for my mental well being!
I hope you are feeling better!
Hello Tammy
I found your blog very helpful.
One thing I’d like to ask is ‘Did you have ups and downs in the first few weeks of taking lexapro’?
Were there days when it seemed as if you were good one minute then not so good the next?
I’m nearly 3 weeks into taking a higher dose and it’s a bit of a roller coaster.
Thanks
J
Hi J! It was a full 4 weeks before I felt good! And it was nerve racking during that time because I was anxious the meds “weren’t working” until one day around the 4 week mark it was like the heavens parted and I felt what I can only describe as “normal”.
How have you been doing recently?
Hi there Tammy
I’ve been on 10mg lexepro for around a year and I was feeling great but I started to miss doses and skip days I now feel so anxious and can’t sleep . I’ve started to take 10 mg regularly for the last 5 days . I’ve been on this medication before but stopped taking it when I feel good . I’m so frightened that it’s not going to work . I am a male of 56 years .
You need to speak with your doctor, but what I do know is that this is not a medication to skip or stop taking. It should only be stopped under your doctor’s supervision and even then weaned off slowly.
I once tried weaning down from 10mg to 5mg (with my doctor’s approval) and very quickly my symptoms returned. That’s when I realized I needed this medication. I take it the same time every day (before bed). The key is consistency!
Τhank you for sharing this. Dealing with anxiety all my life but this year was the worst.
Today after 3 months with anxiety, lack of sleep, agoraphobia, hard heartbeats and tears I decided to start Lexapro (cipralex in Europe). I asked it from my psychiatrist cause he was trying to help me without medicine. I will take my first pill tonight before bed and I hope this is the last worst day of my life. Wish me luck 🙏
Hi Kallia! I’m so sorry for the delayed response. I wanted to check in and see how you are doing. I think you’ll have been on the meds for over a month by now in which case it should be taking full effect. How has that gone? Remember you may need to tweak either your medication or dose if it’s not right the first time. Keep me posted!
Dear Tammy,
I was searching to see whether there are people out there who do experience what I am experiencing and – voila – I found your blog. Thank you so much for sharing. I am male, 56 years old and on Lexapro for 8 months. It changed my life. While functioning okish all those years, life always was an uphill battle. I decided to try the medication because I was blown away how another SSRI helped my teenage daughter. The impact for me is so much more beyond anxiety. I fell calmness and clarity, which allows me to interact with my world in a more peaceful and harmonious way. I observe myself and often think ‘wow’, who is this person? Knowing myself without the medication and now realising that lifting serotonin levels in my system just a little makes me a person that I much prefer to be – what would my life have looked like if I would have had the courage to reach out earlier? Whatever the answer, if that is what it takes to see the world in a new and undoubtedly better way, I will be happy to take the medication to the end of my days. Thank you for sharing Tammy and all the best, B.
Hi Tammy, thanks for creating this blog. SSRI’s saved me!! Escitaloprám 5mg does the trick for me.
Hi Colin! I’m so glad to hear this. I agree. SSRI’s have been a lifesaver for me. I can’t imagine not having them and going back to the old anxiety ways. Yuck!